Saturday, January 12, 2013

American Rental Cars: Your Own Personal Garbagecans!

 How to Be an Asshole 101 Course:
American Rental Cars, Your Own Personal Garbagecans!

 The last time I rented a car, I accidentally left a tub of chilli-cheese fries to fester in the sun underneath the seat for a week, and still the rental car company did not charge me a thing or even raise an eyebrow as I checked out.  These companies do not seem to care about the condition that renters leave their cars' interiors.  My advice: use rental cars as your own personal garbagecans, just like you already do to movie theatres--just leave your crap everywhere for someone else to clean up!  The joy of throwing trash on the ground!  It gives you such an exhilarating king-for-a-day feeling of manly vigor, importance, and self-empowerment.

Think about the possibilities!  Leave behind unwanted neighborhood pets, old corroded batteries, fast food garbage, elderly relatives, crusty undergarments, and more!  You'll be on your way to being an asshole in no time. You'll have that extra spring in your step that only comes from making employees of major corporations who are paid minimum wage burn with an fiery inner rage that they will have to suppress in order to smile at you as you hand them over the keys.  You can even skip away as if nothing is wrong and the universe is all rainbows and unicorns.

**Stay sexy, Car Renters**


  1. Brilliant! Now I know what to do with PilotHusband and my Moster-in-Law. You are my snarky sibling separated at birth!

  2. Let Avis or Hertz take care of those unwanted friends and/or relatives! They care so much it hurts.

  3. My rental car ends up looking like a White Castle dumpster by the time I return it!


  4. White Castle dumpster? That will feed the Avis/Hertz workers and their families for weeks you kind soul!!