How to Be an Asshole 101 Course:
American Rental Cars, Your Own Personal Garbagecans!
The last time I rented a car, I accidentally left a tub of chilli-cheese fries to fester in the sun underneath the seat for a week, and still the rental car company did not charge me a thing or even raise an eyebrow as I checked out. These companies do not seem to care about the condition that renters leave their cars' interiors. My advice: use rental cars as your own personal garbagecans, just like you already do to movie theatres--just leave your crap everywhere for someone else to clean up! The joy of throwing trash on the ground! It gives you such an exhilarating king-for-a-day feeling of manly vigor, importance, and self-empowerment.
Think about the possibilities! Leave behind unwanted neighborhood pets, old corroded batteries, fast food garbage, elderly relatives, crusty undergarments, and more! You'll be on your way to being an asshole in no time. You'll have that extra spring in your step that only comes from making employees of major corporations who are paid minimum wage burn with an fiery inner rage that they will have to suppress in order to smile at you as you hand them over the keys. You can even skip away as if nothing is wrong and the universe is all rainbows and unicorns.
**Stay sexy, Car Renters**