Investment Opportunity: Cat Shakespeare Co.
Ladies and gentleman, do I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime for you! Have you ever noticed that your high school English literature classes included nothing but dry, stale old books by men and women of different races, cultures, and sexualities . . . while simultaneously excluding all of the fresh and cutting-edge work written by cats? This travesty must end now. We must begin by teaching our children to read the classic works of distinguished cat authors around the globe.
'Cat fiction' is a booming and exciting new field of writing in which cats finally get to have their say (don't let this potential goldmine investment opportunity pass you by!). For just one easy payment of $1,000, you can buy a share of Cat Shakespeare Co. (act now and get a free cat*)! Our visionary cat writers create both epic conflicts (action-packed litter box turf wars), as well as steamy love stories (hot, cat-on-cat alleyway action). Curious to see how many times the word meow can be used in a single novel? We promise maximum meow factor. Enjoy using all of your senses when reading? Our books are 100% scratched-up, allergy-inducing, and hairball-filled, guaranteed. What are you waiting for? It's time to cat ear those pages!
*Disclaimer: Cat may lack basic immunizations. Crazy cat diseases and cat attacks that are a result thereof are not the responsibility of Cat Shakespeare Co.
**Stay sexy, Cats**